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Why does the Dunmer cross the road?



We pretend to have interviewed some eminent minds in order to answer this question.


Akatosh
If the Dunmer walks five miles in one hour it will take him precisely two seconds and a third of a second to cross the road.

Arkay
The road is one-way only and I await at the end of it.

Dibella
Hmm, I like nasty Dunmers...

Julianos
We all have to cross the road to open our mind to more knowledge but shall not step away from the path of wisdom.

Kynareth
The Dunmer goes where the wind blows and no road will tell him where to walk.

Mara
He must be looking for some fertile grounds to plant some seeds...

Stendarr
Luck may be found at every crossroad... or not!

Talos
Surely this is one more questing Dunmer adventurer, may his courage be rewarding.

Zenithar
Roads were made to be followed or crossed, the Dunmer deals the road his own way.

Azura
Wondrous plains of green grass, and may the moths pass.

Boethiah
What's the point of making up some plot if you reveal it before it's achieved? Just wait and observe... And then you learn.

Clavicus Vile
I have an answer so how much do you wish to know it?

Hermaeus Mora
Sadly, your life will not be long enough to truly answer this question.

Hircine
There are two sides to a road: that of preys, and that of hunters. The Dunmer chose his side.

Malacath
Roads have no sense for the damned.

Mehrunes Dagon
I don't know but I have two axes and three swords to test.

Mephala
Why bother to know that? If he's hot, let's do it, if he's not, undo him.

Meridia
I'd rather wish to know why his people bear such a love for necromantic practices.

Molag Bal
Ask him the question if you have balls.

Namira
Do you really think I care? I don't. You shouldn't. Leave.

Nocturnal
...

Peryite
If focusing on walking doesn't fix the problem he should try some disease.

Sanguine
Because! Now it's settled, let's drink to my unrelenting logical spirits! (Got the pun?)

Sheogorath
The part about the road is hilarious! Can you tell it again?

Vaermina
This question again? No matter how much you run you're not advancing.

Lorkhan
I am currently dead. Leave your complain and I may answer in my next incarnation.

House Telvanni
If you don't already know the answer no one should bother to tell you.

House Redoran
The Dunmer is surely patroling.

House Hlaalu
There must be something great to deal on the other side of this road...

Mannimarco
Don't let the road prevent you from taking a walk on the death side of life.

Psijiic Order
When you say "the" road, do you imply a specific road or is it more of a concept? And have you yet thought of how you are connected to the road? [...] Hence, the meaning of Sithis.
If some have better suggestions of answer, or more answers to propose, go on! Or you can just tell which answers you preferred :D

I plan to add this in a Skyrim joke book in EBM along with other jokes like this one:


More TES works here
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:iconnights-star-skipper:
NiGHTS-Star-Skipper Featured By Owner May 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Sanguine as I mostly hear:
"because there's a brothel at the end.
...that solves the whole problem."
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015  Professional General Artist
the whore problem even *bading cha*
Reply
:iconxenosplicer117:
xenosplicer117 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
at this point I would suggest a second Part with Miraak Alduin the other Draginswho actually talk to you and some dawnguard characters
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
*hears nothing* I am not listening to anything of this before Dragonborn is released for PC and I beat it. Does not makes sense, does not exist *goes back to Morrowind*
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:iconquitzowsfox:
QuitzowsFox Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
By Azura, I laughed so hard!! It's really great.
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much! Makes me happy to know! I'm pretty sure you would enjoy this Oblivion Crisis joke too [link] ^^
I have more jokes but I didn't post them already, some of them will be used in dialogs in a big mod I'm working on. There will be quite some comical relieves in it and one of them is called Nedhelas the Magnificent.
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:iconladarka117:
LaDarkA117 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Filmographer
Ok. Celle la , elle était drole.
Plus particulièrement les raiponces de Dagon, Periyit et Mephala XD.
Par contre, j'aimerais bien avoir la réponce de Jyggalag.
Reply
:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
Pour celle-là il faudra attendre que l'auteur du livre apprenne l'existence de Jyggalag (il se peut que ça prenne du temps)
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
that was hilarious! what about Juggalag?
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
I'm glad you enjoyed! And I'll surely tell the author about Jygggalag, I'm pretty sure he didn't know about this one. I may suggest him Alduin as well but I fear the Aldmeri audience could take it bad if their pantheon isn't included, and then the Khajiits may start hooting as well... Jyggalag should be a safer addition... :D

...I suddenly think that this book could be used to make an amusing Skyrim quest, it could be called The Name of the Rose. Like the Thalmor wants to censore this book all because of the mention of Talos, and then it turns out to be more than that...
"but why do you so care to censore it? it's just a joke book!"
"it's not just a joke book... it's specifically a joke book, and humor kills terror..."
Reply
:iconharmaagriffin:
HarmaaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
"Why bother to know that? If he's hot, let's do it, if he's not, undo him."
By the Three, I lol'd x)
Reply
:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
I realize I didn't think of the Tribunal having to answer... not sure Vivec and Sotha Sil would provide any understandable answer though...
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:iconharmaagriffin:
HarmaaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012
Almalexia would say something like: "Heretic! This is conspiracy against MY road! Grab him!" I suppose x)
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
Lol, that would some fitting reaction for her latter years of paranoid life :D
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:iconharmaagriffin:
HarmaaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
Maybe, she used to be a nice woman...long ago:D
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
She was married with Nerevar after all... It must have felt so awkward for her and the Nerevarine to meet...
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:iconharmaagriffin:
HarmaaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
Especially if Nerevarine is cute and looks like Nere:D
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Professional General Artist
The canon male Dunmer looks good and I tend to think a mohawk haircut would fit him quite well. Now for the golden skin ...maybe he could cover himself with glow dust? XD
That reminds me a funny adventure that a nice Dunmer had with a Dunmer alchemist in Skingrad. After a drink the poor lad got paralyzed and almost invisible. When he got covered in frost salts and glow dust he realized he must have looked like some sort of ghost. Some persons have quite some macabre fantasms :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconkogouma:
Kogouma Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
oh this was to good!Mephala was my fave,that one made me laugh so much xD
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:iconkogouma:
Kogouma Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
oh this was too good!my fave was Mephala.that one made me laugh xD
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thanks! To be honest I hadn't expected Mephala's quote would get such a success.
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:iconkogouma:
Kogouma Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're welcome!
and well,most of todays generation are pretty dirty minded xD
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
On that point I thought Mara's quote would be enjoyed but maybe the sexual aspect was too subtle?? I tend to think it's quite obvious since she's the goddess of fertility and love: "He must be looking for some fertile ground to plant some seeds..."
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:iconkogouma:
Kogouma Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I got that one and it was my fave until I read Maphala's xD
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
That relieves me XD
...huhu...
"The part about the road was hilarious! Can you tell it again?"
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:iconkogouma:
Kogouma Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ahhhh,Sheo,how I love him.ever since his quest in Morrowind where he makes you kill a giant Netch with the Fork Of Horripilation (or however you spell it xD) he became my fave.his quest in Oblivion made me laugh so hard xD
Reply
:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Professional General Artist
That quest in Morrowind was just awesome, the kind that can actually dive the player to madness XD And the Oblivion quest was really hilarious with that rain for flaming dogs :D I wonder if it was based on a funny bug during development that caused some creatures to be ablazed or if someone actually thought the whole thing.

Also reminds me I have one more story to write about an artifact of Sheogorath created to play a joke to the Fighers Guild and the Emperor, something implying a ceremony of honors and the passing of a sword ...a quite special sword.
Another artifact of Sheogorath I imagined was the "ring of dare", a nice ring with the word "dare" written on it, and enchanted with a teleporting spell, teleporting the caster to a random location. It may lead to the Summerset Isles as much as Oblivion or deep under the sea, so it's really about daring :D (very fun to use in RP)
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(1 Reply)
:iconlesliewifeofbath:
Lesliewifeofbath Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Bwahahahaha! Gods bless Mephala....
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thanks! XD (I think my fav goes to Mara though)
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:iconlilyboxes:
lilyboxes Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Interesting!
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
I wouldn't build scholar theories upon this, though...
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:iconwraythskitzifrenik:
WraythSkitzifrenik Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Great!
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlumenflower:
lumenflower Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Normally, "fiction" like this wouldn't make it into the group. However, this is very clever and it actually made me laugh.

Good job.
Reply
:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much for your open-mindedness on this case, I would have understood if it hadn't been accepted but I'm glad it was. And even more that you laughed :)
Reply
:iconapplesourjellybeans:
Applesourjellybeans Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
Not an order/deity etc. but: Fimmion - 'To get to the BAKERY!'
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
That would surely be his answer indeed :) Unfortunately probably no one in Tamriel could get this...
Maybe I could have included the Marukhati? Something like "How deviant...! Cut his head off!"
Reply
:iconapplesourjellybeans:
Applesourjellybeans Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
Hehe :D And ahh, I didn't think of that -- not just jokes for the gamer, but they have to fit in with the lore too.

They're all really good, the only critique I have is that the grammar is a little off in some of them. If this is something that doesn't bother you then please ignore this, I don't mean to be rude :) But if you ever wanted some suggestions on maybe rewording some, feel free to ask. I won't mention this again unless you do, as I don't want to be a pest with it! :)
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Professional General Artist
Seriously, I DO appreciate any good advice that can make my English better. It's not my native language so I can't take it bad if I'm told I've made some mistakes. It may be a little frustrating but since I've never lived in any anglophone country I guess it's normal. I'm a francophone and I know my grammar can be a bit Frenchy. In some cases I think it can be interesting, in many others I just wish I'm writting correctly XD
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:iconapplesourjellybeans:
Applesourjellybeans Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012
Wow, I had no idea it wasn't your native language. You write very well, it's only the odd grammatical error here and there that I've picked up on, but everyone makes those so I just assumed they were ones that slipped past.

If it's something you appreciate then at some point I'll note you some suggestions. I am by no means the best person for the task but I've had a little experience in going over writing for friends before, as well as my own writing, so perhaps it could help :)
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:iconizz-noxfox:
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much^^ I learned English for 7 years at school and I've been writing directly in English for 4 or 5 years now I think. Practice makes better but it's not the easiest thing to correct yourself on your own. I try to learn by observing how people write but that's also a way to learn mistakes sometimes. Also people don't speak the same English everywhere in the world, each country and region has their specificities so what is an error to one is correct to the other. The main problem comes when different regional patterns get mixed in a wrong way.
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