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Submitted on
October 8, 2012
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43 (who?)

Why does the Dunmer cross the road?

We pretend to have interviewed some eminent minds in order to answer this question.

If the Dunmer walks five miles in one hour it will take him precisely two seconds and a third of a second to cross the road.

The road is one-way only and I await at the end of it.

Hmm, I like nasty Dunmers...

We all have to cross the road to open our mind to more knowledge but shall not step away from the path of wisdom.

The Dunmer goes where the wind blows and no road will tell him where to walk.

He must be looking for some fertile grounds to plant some seeds...

Luck may be found at every crossroad... or not!

Surely this is one more questing Dunmer adventurer, may his courage be rewarding.

Roads were made to be followed or crossed, the Dunmer deals the road his own way.

Wondrous plains of green grass, and may the moths pass.

What's the point of making up some plot if you reveal it before it's achieved? Just wait and observe... And then you learn.

Clavicus Vile
I have an answer so how much do you wish to know it?

Hermaeus Mora
Sadly, your life will not be long enough to truly answer this question.

There are two sides to a road: that of preys, and that of hunters. The Dunmer chose his side.

Roads have no sense for the damned.

Mehrunes Dagon
I don't know but I have two axes and three swords to test.

Why bother to know that? If he's hot, let's do it, if he's not, undo him.

I'd rather wish to know why his people bear such a love for necromantic practices.

Molag Bal
Ask him the question if you have balls.

Do you really think I care? I don't. You shouldn't. Leave.


If focusing on walking doesn't fix the problem he should try some disease.

Because! Now it's settled, let's drink to my unrelenting logical spirits! (Got the pun?)

The part about the road is hilarious! Can you tell it again?

This question again? No matter how much you run you're not advancing.

I am currently dead. Leave your complain and I may answer in my next incarnation.

House Telvanni
If you don't already know the answer no one should bother to tell you.

House Redoran
The Dunmer is surely patroling.

House Hlaalu
There must be something great to deal on the other side of this road...

Don't let the road prevent you from taking a walk on the death side of life.

Psijiic Order
When you say "the" road, do you imply a specific road or is it more of a concept? And have you yet thought of how you are connected to the road? [...] Hence, the meaning of Sithis.
If some have better suggestions of answer, or more answers to propose, go on! Or you can just tell which answers you preferred :D

I plan to add this in a Skyrim joke book in EBM along with other jokes like this one:

More TES works here
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xenosplicer117 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
at this point I would suggest a second Part with Miraak Alduin the other Draginswho actually talk to you and some dawnguard characters
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
*hears nothing* I am not listening to anything of this before Dragonborn is released for PC and I beat it. Does not makes sense, does not exist *goes back to Morrowind*
QuitzowsFox Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
By Azura, I laughed so hard!! It's really great.
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much! Makes me happy to know! I'm pretty sure you would enjoy this Oblivion Crisis joke too [link] ^^
I have more jokes but I didn't post them already, some of them will be used in dialogs in a big mod I'm working on. There will be quite some comical relieves in it and one of them is called Nedhelas the Magnificent.
LaDarkA117 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Filmographer
Ok. Celle la , elle était drole.
Plus particulièrement les raiponces de Dagon, Periyit et Mephala XD.
Par contre, j'aimerais bien avoir la réponce de Jyggalag.
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
Pour celle-là il faudra attendre que l'auteur du livre apprenne l'existence de Jyggalag (il se peut que ça prenne du temps)
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
that was hilarious! what about Juggalag?
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
I'm glad you enjoyed! And I'll surely tell the author about Jygggalag, I'm pretty sure he didn't know about this one. I may suggest him Alduin as well but I fear the Aldmeri audience could take it bad if their pantheon isn't included, and then the Khajiits may start hooting as well... Jyggalag should be a safer addition... :D

...I suddenly think that this book could be used to make an amusing Skyrim quest, it could be called The Name of the Rose. Like the Thalmor wants to censore this book all because of the mention of Talos, and then it turns out to be more than that...
"but why do you so care to censore it? it's just a joke book!"
"it's not just a joke book... it's specifically a joke book, and humor kills terror..."
HarmaaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
"Why bother to know that? If he's hot, let's do it, if he's not, undo him."
By the Three, I lol'd x)
Izz-noxfox Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
I realize I didn't think of the Tribunal having to answer... not sure Vivec and Sotha Sil would provide any understandable answer though...
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